umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize