Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
