This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize