Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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