a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
