A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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