at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
