No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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