There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
