You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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