He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
