hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my poor anus
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
