It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
