Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize