plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He shit in the fireplace
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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