i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
