I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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