I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
