i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
