And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
