On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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