You just made me feel so damn special
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
