hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
