Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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