Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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