hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
