her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
