apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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