i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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