I didn't shave. On purpose
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize