ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
