I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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