The best revenge is premature balding
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
