He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
