Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
