I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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