im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
