Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
