Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
