If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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