do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
