when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
