your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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