Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
