If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
