so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
