my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize