Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize