I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
