She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
