He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
