I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
