i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
