She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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