did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
