I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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