Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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