I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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