I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
