I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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