when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Found the puke drawer
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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