He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
