Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
