Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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