just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize