This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
