She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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