I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i love accidental penises.
Farmville is her only friend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
