I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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