You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
