Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize