Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
