We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
