you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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