I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize