i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
