Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were trust falling into bushes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
