I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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