absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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