Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
