So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
