Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
