This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
