He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
