her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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