My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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