remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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