god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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