Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
