i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
