think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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