im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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