I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
porn star boner night. come get it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
