you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
