this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
