I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
