Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
